


Reconnection

by nanuk_dain



Series: Drift Compatible [43]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PBC (Post-Breach-Collapse), Team Hot Dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 18:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13254291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: After waking up from coma, Stacker slowly reconnects with the world and the people around him. It's a work in progress.





	Reconnection

**Author's Note:**

> I seem to be on a Pacific Rim roll right now, so here's the next fic. I hope you like where things are going ^_^

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 20th 2025_

 

It's the second message that day concerning Sensei, just that this time it's Hansen-san who contacts her, not Tendo. Mako is heading towards the med bay, forcing herself to walk and not to run. Hansen-san wrote her just minutes ago to let her know that Sensei is not only awake, but also lucid and in full possession of his memories. She finds herself smiling at the realisation that he knows her well enough to predict her reaction and tried to ease her worry by answering what would have been her first question. 

Mako is still not entirely sure how it's possible that Sensei and Hansen-san survived the blast of the thermonuclear bomb. She analysed the escape pods that were transported back to the shatterdome in a second chopper. They were in a dreadful condition that had made goosebumps spread all over her body when she'd first seen them. Nothing could have made it clearer how close she had come to losing Sensei and Hansen-san. 

Mako agrees with the rescue crew's assessment that it's a miracle that the pods made it to the surface at all, and that it's even more of a miracle that they stayed afloat long enough for the fishing boat to find them. Mako looked at the spot where Hansen-san's pod had taken on water and a thorough check of the inside of the capsule told her that it had been a very very close call. She knows that by the time the fishing boat's crew had lifted the pod out of the ocean, two thirds of it had been entirely submerged and Hansen-san must have been lying in the slowly rising water for hours. It's pure dumb luck that the hole was by his feet and that the seas were calm and warm enough that he neither drowned nor succumbed to hypothermia.

Mako shakes the dreadful thoughts when she gets to the med bay. She flashes her badge although she knows she doesn't need to, every nurse and doctor knows who she is. It's protocol, though, and if she expects others to stick to it, then she has to set a good example. The rules as well as the restricted access to the med bay are in place for good reason, after all.

Only a few seconds later she's standing in front of the metal door leading into Sensei's sick room. Mako takes a deep breath and knocks before pushing it open. She finds Hansen-san sitting on the edge of the bed, one hand holding Sensei's whose face is turned towards the door. Mako feels her heart almost stop when she's greeted by the clear and alert gaze of Sensei's eyes, a sight she was not sure she'd ever get to see again. She wanted to believe that he would wake up, that he would be all right, but life has made her careful of such hope, almost to the point of suspicion. She couldn't allow herself to really hope because it would have broken her to find that hope destroyed.

"Mako."

Now that Sensei is smiling at her, though, saying her name, she finally dares to hope, to believe. Mako returns the smile without even realising it, it's an immediate and heartfelt reaction, a physical manifestation of the overwhelming relief she feels in every bone of her body. Hearing that Sensei is out of coma is one thing, but actually seeing him awake is an entirely different thing.

"Sensei." Mako feels her cheeks almost hurt with the intensity of her smile. When her gaze flickers over to Hansen-san, she finds him watching her with a pleased little smile of his own. He leans down and presses a quick kiss to Sensei's forehead, then he gets up off the edge of the bed. He comes across the room where she's still standing with the handle of the door in her hand and gives her shoulder a quick squeeze when he passes her. 

"I'll come back later." He glances at Sensei, then his gaze focusses on Mako and he gives her a gentle smile. "Take your time."

He's gone before Mako can react, and she's sure he did that on purpose. She assumes that he knows that she and Sensei need to talk, to just have a few minutes to themselves after everything that's happened. Whether it's his connection to Sensei, his knowledge of what happened those first days after the collapse of the Breach or his intuition she doesn't know, but Mako is certain he'll make sure they get the time they need. She's very grateful for that.

Mako lets go of the handle after closing the heavy metal door behind her, then she slowly walks over to where Sensei is lying in the hospital bed, his dark skin a sharp contrast to the starched white sheets. His gaze follows her path and when she remains standing beside the bed, unsure of whether to take Hansen-san's spot on the edge or to drag over the plastic chair from the corner of the room, he smiles and pats the mattress next to him. Mako accepts the invitation and perches on the bed.

"Sensei..." Mako is a little embarrassed that her voice cracks, so she clears her throat before she continues. "It's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"All things considered I feel fine." Sensei replies. His voice is rough from disuse, but it's strong and clear and his words are sure. It reassures her immensely that he can speak without trouble, it's a very good sign that he has come out of the drift without too much further neural damage. "I must say that I didn't expect Operation Pitfall to have such a positive outcome. Herc told me that not only did we manage to close the Breach, but Chuck and Raleigh survived, too."

"They did." Mako smiles at the memory of Raleigh and Chuck moving into their new quarters, another step back to life on the long road of recovery. "Raleigh was discharged from the medical bay this morning. He is still recovering, but it's going well."

"That's good to hear." Sensei nods in acknowledgement, then his gaze focusses on Mako. She feels like he's taking in all the little signs that tell him how she's doing, checking her over to make sure she's all right. She remembers that look from her childhood when he used to do it a lot, knowing she wasn't likely to complain even if something _was_ wrong. She hasn't seen that look in a while and it makes her feel warm. "And how are you, Mako?"

"I'm very busy, Sensei. I don't know how much you've been told yet, but we're hard at work to get the PPDC up and running again, among other things the Proving Ground and the Academy. We're also developing a new Mark series and a smaller, single-pilot version of the Jaegers that-" Mako stops talking when she feels Sensei's hand on her uninjured right arm. His hand is pleasantly warm and his touch gentle but firm, just the way it has always been, and that somehow grounds Mako more than any words could have. 

"Mako." Sensei interrupts her flow of words gently, his hand giving a little squeeze. "I want to know how _you_ are doing. I can imagine that the past weeks weren't easy."

Mako looks at his hand on her arm and doesn't know what to say. They usually don't do that, talking about feelings. Not like this, at least. Neither of them is the type to share openly how they feel, not when it's personal. And this is very personal, to him and to her, she knows that without a doubt. But Sensei looks worried, and Mako doesn't like that look on his face, not when she is the one to cause it. She instinctively knows that hiding the effect that the events of the past two weeks had on her would only make him worry more, though. Sensei is not stupid, after all, he's well aware that things like that don't pass by without leaving a trace on a person's soul. 

"I'm so glad you're back, Sensei." Mako says before she has even thought the words, her voice very quiet and a bit shaky, but she knows he hears her words. She feels his hand give another gentle squeeze and when she looks up, it is to find his serious gaze on her.

"I'm so sorry, Mako." he says after a moment of just looking at her, the regret plain in his eyes and his voice.

Mako is confused and doesn't bother hiding it. "Sorry for what, Sensei? You didn't do anything that needs apologising."

"For making you go through all this. For dragging you into this war, right up to the front line." Sensei sighs and it sounds so weary that it made a shiver run down Mako's spine. "I just wish I could have given you a real childhood instead of dragging you from shatterdome to shatterdome and making you grow up into a life like this." 

For a moment Mako is stunned by his words. She never knew he thought about their lives like that, and she feels the urge to correct his point of view. "You didn't drag me into this, Sensei. Onibaba did. After that day, I could never have led what you call 'a normal life'. It wasn't an option anymore." She makes a point of holding his gaze so that he can see that she means every word. "You gave me the chance to come to terms with what happened. You gave me a purpose."

He's quiet for a while, then he replies, "What I should have given you is stability, a life, a family, a home. Instead you grew up around military bases, permanently moving around and never getting the chance to bond with anybody."

It pains her to hear Sensei say that. Mako knows that she's not prone to showing her feelings, but maybe she should have done it more if her silence led to him believing _that_. She wonders if he really doesn't know that no matter the pain of losing her parents, Mako would not change a thing. It's her path, this is where her life was always supposed to lead. And now that she has Sensei back, now that Hansen-san and Chuck-kun and Raleigh are alive and reasonably well, there's nothing she would want to be different. Not fundamentally, at least.

"Sensei, you did give me a home and a family." Mako replies, her voice firm. She's a bit uncomfortable spelling things out like this, but maybe it's time, maybe they actually need saying. 

Or maybe it's more effective to show him. Mako quickly retrieves her phone and accesses the old picture that shows Sensei, Hansen-san, her and young Chuck-kun with puppy Max in front of the listing Christmas tree. She holds it out for Sensei to see and watches his eyes widen in surprise. "My family is you and Hansen-san and Chuck-kun. Sensei, you have been my father for a very long time, and you always will be."

It's quite obvious that her words catch him completely out of the blue. He stares at her for a long time, not saying anything, but she can read in his eyes how much her words mean to him. He's not consciously holding back, she can tell that he's actually overwhelmed and doesn't know how to react. She can't remember ever having seen him so emotional.

He doesn't seem to have the words, so instead of speaking, he pulls her close in an embrace that's slightly awkward due to the fact that he's still lying down and she's sitting on the bed. For a second Mako is surprised by the open display of affection that she's not used to from Sensei, but then she welcomes the unexpected touch.

"Thank you, Mako." Sensei mumbles after pressing a kiss into her hair, his voice rough, his uninjured arm a warm and comfortable weight around her shoulder. Mako smiles, closes her eyes and just enjoys the comfort of the unfamiliar closeness, of the feeling of warmth, safety and home that wraps around her. 

It feels like a turning point.

 

*** 

 

_"It was a pleasure seeing you awake. I know it means a lot to everybody here to know that you're back."_

Stacker is still staring at the door that just closed behind Naomi Sokolov, the independent journalist the PPDC contacted to do the Jaeger pilot interviews. Her words ring in his ears, the sincerity with which she said them makes him feel... he's not quite sure how he feels right now. Things are still fuzzy, he knows he missed a week of important developments and he's out of the loop. For them, things have gone on, for him, it's like he just triggered the payload on Striker's back an hour ago. It feels like no time has passed at all.

For Herc and Mako, though, that's a different story. One look at them and Stacker knew that every day that passed since they detonated that bomb is very much real for them and took its toll on them. It's not just the injuries that are openly visible, no, it's an intangible thing that reads exhaustion, bone-deep worry, despair, weariness, even fear. It manifests differently on Mako and Herc, but they both show clear signs of a long and painful time that he missed entirely. 

Stacker still remembers all too vividly how Herc shook in his arms right after Stacker woke up, clearly so close to the end of his rope that the relief about Stacker opening his eyes cracked his mask of calm discipline. The raw and intense emotions he caught up on over the ghost drift told him more about how much the recent events effected Herc than any conversation could have. It told him about Herc's fear of Stacker not waking up, of finally losing him after years of living with that threat. But, same as Mako an hour ago, Herc's smile is now genuinely pleased and happy, and he seems to relax more and more with every minute they spend close to each other. As if time spent together is the only thing that'll ease the weariness, a first step on the road to recovery. For them as well as for Stacker.

Stacker turns away from the door to look at Herc who's still resting beside him on the bed, propped up on his elbow. The physical repercussions of Operation Pitfall are clearly visible on him, marking him as a survivor. The discoloured skin all over his body and the cast on his right arm are among the most obvious marks. And then there's the long gash on the left side of his face that will no doubt turn into a prominent scar, but Stacker can tell that Herc isn't really bother by any of it. He noticed immediately upon waking that the ghost drift to Herc is a great deal stronger than it has been in years. It's like their recent drift reopened their connection, amplified the signal and gave it a boost. Stacker never realised how the years without drifting impacted on their ghost drift because it was such a slow development. Their connection never faded, not even close, but it did get weaker up to a certain level and then stayed there.

"She's right, you know." Herc remarks next to him, pulling Stacker out of his wandering thoughts. His voice is quiet and sincere. He means it. "Knowing you woke up is kind of a turning point for them. They feel like now we can finally move on and get the PPDC going again. And going strong."

"It seems like you all managed quite well on your own so far. And honestly, I'm glad that's the case." Stacker admits. He still can't quite believe that they're really here in the shatterdome, that they both survived Operation Pitfall that was always planned as a suicide mission. Stacker surly never expected to come back from it, and even if he'd physically survive the mission, he'd been quite sure that drifting again would leave him a drooling vegetable. That's quite obviously not the case, though. He doesn't feel any different than he did before drifting again. All right, he does feel weak and exhausted in a way he never has before, but that's purely physical and not mental. He thinks it's probably a mixture of his injuries, the undoubtedly strong meds he's on and the fact that he just woke from a coma.

Herc chuckles. "Mako and Tendo did a great job of keeping things going. They're still doing it, in fact. Managed to clear a 24 hour window for me so that I can be here with you without having to worry about the PPDC."

Something in Stacker swells with pride hearing that Mako is among those leading the PPDC. It's not that he ever doubted that she could, but to hear that she's actually doing it is still makes him deeply proud. Herc filled him in on the most important developments since the collapse of the Breach. He knows that Chuck and Raleigh are doing all right considering what they went through, that Mako is the new face of the PPDC, that Caitlin Lightcap is here, that there are already efforts under way to rebuild the PPDC and keep it out of the UN's hands. It's a lot to take it, to realize how much changed in just one week, but he's pleased with the way things are going. He's also not surprised to hear that Tendo and Mako pooled their resources to get Herc time off to spend with Stacker. It sounds exactly like something they would do, especially since both of them are among the few people who are fully aware of the true nature of Stacker's and Herc's relationship.

Before Stacker can say anything, there's a knock on the door and a second later Caitlin Lightcap steps into the room. Stacker hasn't seen her in a year or two, but he can't say he's too surprised that she's here. Of course she would be the first person to contact given his condition and the reason for it. She is the foremost expert in drift science, after all. Herc told him that she had checked on him already a few hours ago, but he'd fallen asleep again by that time. She thought it was better to let him have his rest and had told Herc to let her know when Stacker was awake. 

Caitlin is smiling at him when she sees he's awake, and Stacker immediately remembers why he always liked her. She's brilliant but still keeps her feet on the ground, she's sincere and genuinely cares about people, and she might be shy around strangers, but with people she knows and trusts, she's open and affectionate. Ever since Stacker became a test pilot for her in 2015, he slowly became one of those people. It's a mutual feeling.

"It's good to see you awake, Stacker." Caitlin says when she comes to stand beside the bed. She's among the few people who use his first name, and it's a relationship that has grown over years of working together, of giving everything in the fight against the Kaiju. Stacker considers her one of the founding members of the PPDC, she is a huge part of the reason the PPDC even exists. Without her work on the pons, without her brilliant mind and her courage, drifting wouldn't exists and neither would Jaegers. 

"Thank you for coming, Caitlin." Stacker makes a point to show her his sincere gratitude. He knows she probably had other engagements by the time she was asked to help, and the fact that she came anyway means a lot. He knows she's the best mind on the subject, his best chance of survival.

"You're welcome." She smiles again, the shy smile that means that she's pleased but also a little bit embarrassed, and then changes the subject. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good all things considered." Stacker replies honestly. "I expected to be off a lot worse, actually, considering how strongly I was warned off drifting."

"So, how's it looking, Caitlin?" Herc asks, never bothering to get up from his position on the bed, pressed along Stacker's side. He's as relaxed as Stacker, and it's a testament to how comfortable they both are in her presence. 

“Well, first of all, from the medical side of things, you are very very lucky that Striker Eureka isn't - wasn't - nuclear, so at least your radiation poisoning wasn't worsened.” Caitlin says to Stacker with a nod to the little medication tin on the bedside table. "The cancer is still an issue, though, I don't need to tell you that. But it hasn't worsened, and that's good news."

Stacker smirks dryly. "Well, I wasn't expecting the cancer to have miraculously vanished."

"At least it hasn't gotten worse." Herc says with relief in his voice, he must have been expecting something else. "Did you find out if drifting caused any more neural damage?"

“Honestly - and I know I'm not telling you anything new - the three hours of solo driving you did in 2016 should already have damaged your brain beyond repair, Stacker. It obviously didn't, and same as back then, we don't know exactly what happened now.” Caitlin says openly. She has known Stacker too long to sugar-coat the facts, so she's straight forward with her reply. “You know that we still do not understand in full detail how the drift works and how it affects the brain, especially concerning perfect matches. The only thing we can say is that the data suggests that Herc's brain took the load of the drift that was too much for you. We suspect that it has to do with the fact that you are a perfect match. Your brains automatically evened out the odds once you were linked. It seems to be connected to the effect of functioning as one entity as soon as the neural handshake is initiated." 

Caitlin pauses, as if she's unsure whether to say more, then she continues. "We're quite sure that drifting with anybody but Herc would have killed you.”

Stacker feels a shiver run down his spine at the same time that Herc's hand tightens around his. It's obvious that Caitlin isn't joking, she's dead serious. She obviously thinks it's important that he understands how close he came to losing his life.

"I wish I could tell you more, but the fact is that this is a first. It's not like I have any other data on this kind of situation. There are so few perfect matches among Rangers that I can only guess here. As a matter of fact, there are only three still alive - the Kaidonovskys, you two, and our newest addition, the Becket-Hansen team.” She pauses for a moment and Stacker can tell that there are hundreds of thoughts running through her mind at lightning speed. "In fact, I'd love to get them to agree to be the test subject for some research on the dynamics of a perfect match. It's an interesting coincidence - if it actually _is_ one - that out of the five Jaeger pilot teams to survive, three are a perfect match. Especially considering that we only ever had four in the entire history of the PPDC, as far as we know. Well, five with Becket-Hansen."

"Will I be able to pilot again?" Stacker asks after thinking about all the things she just told them. Herc informed him about the very real possibility of another Breach opening, and Stacker needs to know where his place in that future war will be. 

"I can't tell you yet if you'll be able to pilot again. Right now I would advise against it." Caitlin replies honestly.

Stacker nods because he's been expecting that answer, but he can't help his disappointment transmitting over the ghost drift. Herc's thumb caresses the back of his hand in reply. "And drifting?"

"Based on the data we have from Operation Pitfall, I'm reasonably sure that drifting with Herc will not cause you any damage. But you're still weakened by the recent events and the week spent in coma, so for now I'd say that it's not worth the risk. Heal up first, get back in shape and let us do some tests before you attempt to drift again." Caitlin looks at him, deep understanding in her eyes and her voice gentle but firm. "I know what the drift means to a perfect match, but you've managed for a decade without it, so let's not rush things now and take unnecessary risks. We've come to far for that."

Stacker nods again. She's right and he knows that, but the disappointment is still there. He craves to drift with Herc again, he wants that crystal clear connection, he wants to share the burden of what Herc had to go through since waking up after Pitfall, he wants to ease the pain he can still feel underlying Hercs experiences even through the ghost drift.

"It's temporary, Stacker." Caitlin gives him an encouraging smile. "We're doing some very interesting research into the drift of perfect matches at the moment with the specific goal of helping you. We don't know yet where it'll lead, but it looks very promising. Herc can tell you the gist of it." 

"I've already begun to fill him in, but there's much left to tell." Herc remarks, his thumb never stopping its caress of Stacker's hand.

"Well, a lot has happened while you were unconscious, Stacker. You just woke up after being in a coma for eight days, not to mention the battle you went through before. Why don't you rest for now, reconnect with the world, and let things happen at their own time?" Caitlin smiles at him, her eyes gentle and understanding, but determined nonetheless. Stacker can tell that she won't let him get involved in any straining activities anytime soon. "You should go back to sleep, Stacker. You will heal faster if you make sure you get the rest you need to recover." 

"Sounds like a plan." Stacker replies with a little smirk. It's true that he feels a bone-deep exhaustion spreading through his entire body that underlines how far away he is from being back on his feet. It's no surprise, really, considering everything that happened. He should be glad that he's alive at all instead of reaching for the stars before he's even able to stand on his own. Stacker's never been very good at being patient with his own body, though. He'll have time to practise now, he's quite sure of that.

"Should I ask for the nurses to bring in a second bed?" Caitlin asks with a voice that is almost neutral, but Stacker can hear good-natured amusement underneath it.

"Nah, we're good." Herc replies with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

Caitlin smirks. "I thought so."

She turns to leave, but stops at the door. "I'll be back tomorrow morning. Herc, I trust you to make sure he'll rest."

Herc chuckles. "I will."

Caitlin smiles again and then disappears out of the door which she closes almost silently behind her. Stacker feels his eyes drift shut even before he hears the heavy metal door close. He wants to stay awake, though, he has so many questions that he wants to ask Herc. He hates being out of the loop, especially at a time as crucial as this for the PPDC's future, and he knows that Herc has only told him the most important bits so far. There was no time for more before Mako came to the med bay, and afterwards Stacker fell asleep again. It annoys him that he's just lying around in bed dong nothing because his body isn't ready to function like it should.

"Shhhh, Stacks, just let it go." he hears Herc's voice murmur close to his ear, soft and warm like velvet wrapping around him and soothing his inner unrest. "Don't fight it, just rest."

Stacker feels Herc's fingers card through his hair, the touch slow and calming, and he can't help falling back into the welcoming arms of sleep. He only wakes when there's the sound of the door opening followed by a short conversation. He's still caught up in the clingy webs of sleep, though, and it takes some serious effort to open his eyes. He's greeted by the sight of Herc sitting on the edge of the bed, talking to a middle-aged nurse who brought in a cart with two trays of food and a pitcher of water. She greets Stacker when she realises that he's awake, props up the back of the bed and sets a four-legged tray over his legs before placing a bowl of soup on it.

"Eat as much as you can, Marshal." she says sternly before leaving the room.

Stacker almost jealously eyes Herc's plate which contains something resembling real food, contrary to the soup he's being served. When he tries to steal a morsel of potato, Herc batters his hand aside and sternly tells him that his stomach can't deal with it yet. Stacker snorts, but Herc remains steadfast. It seems that the nurse had a serious talk with him about Stacker's condition, and obviously she managed to drag him on her side because there's no negotiating with him. Stacker finally resigns to his soup, and only when he's halfway through and already feeling queasy he admits that maybe the nurse and Herc have a point.

They're just about finished eating when there's a knock on the door. Stacker looks up from his now empty bowl - he forced himself to eat it all because he knows his body need the nutrition - and he's surprised to see Chuck enter the room. No matter that they've known each other for a long time, Chuck Hansen is about the last person he expected a visit from.

"Mako told us that you woke up." Chuck says as a way of greeting when he sees Stacker look at him. He's closely followed by Raleigh who shuts the door behind him before turning to face Stacker. 

He gives a smile that is obviously genuine when he says, "It's good to have you back, sir."

They come to stand in a respectful distance to the bed, and Stacker can't help noticing how Chuck has a supportive arm wrapped around Raleigh who seems to be leaning against him. Raleigh looks tired, almost exhausted, and Stacker is sure that Chuck's gesture is not just based in his need to touch, it's clearly a help to keep Raleigh standing. Even without taking the bags under Raleigh's eyes and his obvious injuries into consideration, that tells him that Raleigh was most likely seriously injured during Operation Pitfall. Herc didn't have the time so far to go into all the details yet, and Stacker suddenly realises that there's a lot he still needs to find out. 

What strikes him most, though, is that he can tell right away that this is not the Chuck he remembers. Something about him is different, and it has nothing to do with the physical injuries he's sporting. It's something intangible but essential, and it makes Stacker a bit wary because he suddenly feels like he doesn't know the young man who just came into his room. It takes him a moment, then he realises that Herc isn't on the defensive as he normally is when he's in the same room as Chuck. Due to years of experience Herc always expects Chuck to attack him in some way, mostly with well-aimed hurtful words, and Stacker has been the witness of their clashes more often than he can count. Now, though, the tension and the underlying animosity between Herc and Chuck is gone. Instead there seems to be a kind of careful wariness, as if they don't quite know how to deal with each other, but they both seem to make an effort to not fall back in the familiar patterns that almost ruined their relationship before. It's a kind of improvement that Stacker never expected to see, and another thing he needs to ask Herc about.

"Gentlemen." Stacker nods in acknowledgement. "Thank you for coming by."

"How are you feeling?" There seems to be genuine concern in Chuck's voice that catches Stacker by surprise. A lot of things have changed in the past week, that much is certain.

"I'm reasonably well, all things considered." Stacker replies evenly and wonders how often he'll have to reply to that question in the close future. A lot of times, probably. He smirks and can't help adding, "It's going to take a while before I strap into a Jaeger again, though."

"Well, considering that we have no Jaegers left, that's not too much of a surprise, sir." Raleigh retorts with a little smirk of his own that tells Stacker that not only did Raleigh get his meaning, he's also conveying that _he's_ not going to be in a Jaeger anytime soon, either. It confirms Stacker's guess that Raleigh was hurt badly enough to put him out of commission. He hopes it's temporary and not permanently, though, because Raleigh is too good a pilot to lose. And he's reining in Chuck, which is a feat in its own right.

"Mako's team is already working on the Mark VI series, though." Chuck chimes in. "And you might have heard that they're developing single-pilot mechas, too. They're called Civilian Explores, nickname 'Civvies'."

Stacker catches Herc rolling his eyes at the mention of the nickname and feels his dislike of it over the ghost drift. Stacker is careful to hide his amused smirk at Herc's reaction.

"We're still at the very beginning, so I'm sure by the time there's anything to test, all of us are back on our feet. " Herc says with a gesture that encompasses the entire room, probably even the shatterdome. He's quite obviously referring to all the pilots who're still recovering. 

"Doc Lightcap already signed us up as test pilots." Chuck's anticipation is tangible, and Stacker is surprised by his openly displayed emotions. Before Pitfall - before Raleigh -, the only emotions Chuck Hansen never bothered to hide were anger, aggression and disdain. He always openly lived them out to the fullest. 

"The Wei Tang brothers and the Kaidonovskys are in, too." Raleigh adds with a smirk. "Seems we're all eager to get back into the game, sir, so there's no need to worry about the PPDC."

"I greatly appreciate that." Stacker replies and means it. There may be a lot of problems ahead of the PPDC, but its loyal personnel is not one of them. It's a relief to know that.

There's a prolonged silence afterwards as nobody seems to know what to say. The atmosphere gets a bit awkward and Stacker can see Chuck shifting almost uneasily from one foot to the other. 

"We're off again, we just wanted to see how you're doing." Chuck gives Stacker a nod and an awkward half-smile and gestures towards the door.

"I hope you'll get better soon, sir." Raleigh says before he allows Chuck to lead him out of the room. The door closes silently behind them.

"Now that was awkward." Herc states drily after a minute of silence, the amusement plain in his voice. 

Stacker can't contain a chuckle. "Well, yes, but the fact alone that Chuck came here amazes me."

Herc gets up from where he's been sitting on the uncomfortable chair by the bed and stretches, then he takes off his boots. "He's been through a lot in those past weeks. It has changed him. Still is, in fact."

"In a good way, it seems." Stacker remarks an watches Herc getting ready for the night. It's not that late yet, but they both need the rest.

"I hope so." Herc lies down next to Stacker on the mattress and Stacker moves aside a bit to allow him to slip underneath the covers. Stacker cuddles up to him and rests his head on Herc's chest, his ear right over his heart. For a long time he's quiet and motionless, he's only concentrating on Herc's heartbeat while blocking out the world around them. He still feels kind of disconnected from the world, and the urge to get back to work is strong. He knows Caitlin is right, though. He's weakened in body and mind, and resting is the best thing he can do to get better soon. 

"Can you tell me more about what happened that past week?" Stacker asks after a few minutes of relaxing silence. If he can't get back to work yet, he can at least get up to speed with the current developments. It seems there's a lot he missed, after all. 

He listens to Herc's low voice telling him about the things that have happened since Operation Pitfall. He learns about the fact that Raleigh piloted Gispy Danger into the Breach alone after Chuck's oxygen was compromised, that he ejected Chuck's escape pod long before his own, that he died temporarily, that he was in a coma. That explains a lot about Chuck, too. Then Herc tells him about the immediate aftermath of the closure of the Breach, about Mako's growing political influence, about the plans for the PPDC that they've already begun realising. Herc also fills him in on the developments of the drift research Caitlin referred to. He explains about the experiments they did with Chuck and Raleigh and the interesting results about Yancy being somehow stored in Raleigh's mind. Stacker doesn't bother to hide his surprise, shock even, to that revelation. He can tell already that this topic will be of relevance in the future.

When Herc falls silent, Stacker begins to nod off again. He's still so utterly tired, and he's reasonably sure that sentiment will accompany him for a while. He just hopes it's purely physical and not a belated consequence of the drift.

"Sleep, Stacks." Herc murmurs against Stacker's skin where his lips rest against his temple. "We both dearly need it."

Stacker feels the truth of his words in the exhaustion that comes over the ghost drift. He feels how run down Herc is, how much the last few weeks drained his reserves, especially that last week that Stacker was in a coma. Herc hasn't said a word about it yet, but Stacker can tell anyway.

Sleep comes faster than Stacker expected. When he wakes up again, it's to the feeling of the early morning sun on his face. One of the advantages of being the Marshal is that he gets to enjoy one of the few rooms in the med bay with a huge panorama window instead of a simple sky light. 

Since no nurse has been in yet to check on him, Stacker assumes that it must be very early. Herc is still asleep, his arms and legs wrapped around Stacker as if he's afraid Stacker might disappear. Stacker smiles and slowly cards his hand through Herc's tousled hair. He feels Herc slowly wake up and simply enjoys being close to him, touching him.

"Morning." Herc yawns after a few minutes and then slowly stretches before he relaxes again and props himself up on his uninjured elbow. He looks at Stacker for a long time, his fingers tracing careful patterns on the skin of Stacker's face. He's quite obviously thinking about something and Stacker patiently waits until he's ready to talk.

"There's something I haven't told you yet." Herc's voice is barely more than a low rumble. His hand never ceased its caress.

"What's that?" Stacker can clearly feel Herc's emotional turmoil over their connection and it makes him a bit nervous. Whatever it is that Herc hasn't told him, it's very important to Herc. 

Herc is quiet for a moment, as if he's searching for a point where to begin. "You remember that I told you about the drift experiment Caitlin did with Chuck and Raleigh. Where Raleigh was sedated."

Stacker just nods.

"It was kind of a test run to see if it was possible to send me into a drift with you while you were still in a coma." Herc continues to explain. "It worked. We drifted for almost sixteen hours and I entered a kind of drift-dream world your subconsciousness came up with to allow you to heal."

Stacker is so surprised and astonished and confused that it takes him a moment to find his voice. "I don't remember any of it."

"Yeah, I know." Herc says and the quiet sadness underlying his voice confuses Stacker even more. "Caitlin said that seems to always be the case for the unconscious drift partner. It was the same for Raleigh."

Stacker is quiet for a few minutes, he needs to come to terms with this new information. What bothers him the most is that he doesn't remember, so he decides to ask about it. Herc does seem to remember, after all. "What was it like, that drift dream world?"

Herc smiles involuntarily. A wave of warmth, of contentment and happiness transmits over the ghost drift, followed by a raw feeling of loss that doesn't make much sense to Stacker.

"It was perfect." Herc says quietly, a silent wistfulness in his voice.

"You loved it." Stacker suddenly understands when he picks up on Herc's emotions over the ghost drift.

"Yeah, I did." Herc's voice is muted, sad and happy at the same time. "I loved it so much."

"Tell me about it?" Stacker asks carefully and nudges Herc's cheek with his nose.

Again Herc seems to look for a place to start. When he begins talking, his voice is warm and rough with emotions that Stacker can also feel over their ghost drift. "You made us a family. You, me, Chuck and Mako. But they were young kids, about seven or eight years old, and we were their parents. Both of us. Mako called you 'Dad' and Chuck - little Charlie - hugged you like it was the most natural thing in the world."

Stacker can't help the shiver running down his entire body and he feels his breath hitch. He knows Herc picks up on it, but thankfully he just keeps talking. 

"Tamsin was there, too. And I got to meet Luna." Herc's voice breaks a little on her name. "They were together, like us, and they were obviously very close to Charlie and Mako. We all met in a café and had coffee and ice cream. One big family."

Stacker doesn't bother fighting the tears he can feel prickle in his eyes at the mention of his sister and the role she played in his perfect fantasy world. Of course she and Tamsin would be part of it. He suddenly craves remembering that world, that moment in the café. It hits him with a vengeance how much he misses Luna and Tamsin, and he's not surprised to get the same sentiment from Herc's side of the ghost drift. "Was she happy? Luna?"

"Very." Herc smiles warmly, obviously lost in the memory that Stacker so desperately wants to experience, too. "Luna is great, Stacker. I'm so happy I finally got to meet her. I know how much she means to you."

Stacker doesn't trust his voice, so he remains silent. Herc bends down to press a lingering kiss to Stacker's forehead, it's comfort and understanding and a soothing caress all wrapped in one.

"We had a house in Noosa. You, me, Mako and Charlie. It was right by the sea, with a porch out to the ocean." Herc continues with his lips still close to Stacker's skin, his voice barely above a whisper. "Luna and Tam came by a lot, and we cooked together and went to the beach to go surfing. There were no real Kaiju in that world, they were only figures in a movie."

"Sounds perfect." Stacker presses out, meaning every word.

Herc leans back enough to look in Stacker's eyes. His smile is sad, his voice soft with wistfulness. "It was. I got to spend almost a week there. I didn't want to leave, ever, and that's when I knew I had to before I got lost in it. But the worst was that I knew you wouldn't remember it."

Stacker turns to hide his face against Herc's neck, his eyes screwed shut and yet his cheeks feel wet. Herc wraps an arm around him immediately and pulls him close, offering comfort and sharing their misery. Stacker can't remember the last time he was so overwhelmed with emotion, and he knows part of it is because he can feel Herc's over the ghost drift. The other part is that Herc just mentioned everything Stacker ever wanted, all the little things he never dared to think about because he knew they weren't possible. 

"I wish I could remember." Stacker whispers against Herc's skin, not even sure if Herc can hear him.

"Next time we drift, I'll show you." Herc mumbles into his hair. They don't know yet if it's safe for him to drift again, but it still feels like a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love and you'd make this wee author very happy with a word or two ^_^ Thank you!


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